Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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