My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he puts the penis in happiness.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
