my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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