I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
