I got chris browned last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
