Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
