Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
