I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
