he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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