Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
