When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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