Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize