I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
