so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
