I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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