I don't usually arrange sex via text message
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
