Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
