tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The struggles of a small town man whore
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
