My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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