I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
