I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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