Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
