I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
