It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
