i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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