Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!