a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho