ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets