I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.