Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
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can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.