I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
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We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you