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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow

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• (310): View more from California

  it's too hot outside to masturbate.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest

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• (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.

  (646): View more from New York

  LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you

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