hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
