Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
