Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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