I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize