Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
