ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
