Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
