Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
