i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
