Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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