I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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