She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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