Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
