i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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