I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
