Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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