im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
