You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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