I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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