I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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