Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
