why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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