Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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