A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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