my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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