Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
