i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
