explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
