I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
