the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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